Gracie came to me as a shy dog. I plan on helping her to become a brave girl who comes out of her shell with lots of patience, understanding, and LOVE.
It is taking all of my strength to even write this post, but I know that I need to in order to move on and heal.
Grace started to show way too much interest in Béla all of a sudden. To the point where Béla almost got hurt the other night trying to get away from Grace chasing her. There were other things she was doing too which were total prey-related red flags that made me want to puke while watching, knowing that it was bad news.
I called the adoption place to tell them about her new behaviors towards Béla and without hesitation they suggested I bring Grace back to them for Béla's safety.
It was absolutely heartbreaking for me to make the final decision to bring her back, but from the beginning I always said that Béla's safety came first.
I won't go into detail about what a horrible day I had packing Grace's things up and driving her an hour to the adoption place.
I also can't write about saying my final goodbye.
I can only try to move forward from this and know in my heart that I did what was best for Béla...and for Grace.
I love Grace so very much and know that they will find an excellent home for her without a cat. I've cried so much in the past 24 hours that I don't know how my body is even producing tears anymore. But, I am trying to have a good day with Béla...and trying to look forward to the day that I am ready to adopt again.
Thank you to all of my friends and family for your support and love during this extremely difficult time. I love you all very much.
I guess it is fitting that this song is the song that Grace was named after.
Hopefully Dave Matthews decides to not put this one on the setlist when I see them in September ...but if he does, I hope to smile and not cry.
Last night I made sure that Grace pooped AND peed before bed before I prepared myself for a night of earplugs, closed windows, and praying that barking would stop. I expected to have a sleepless night, but was pleasantly shocked by a night of SILENCE!!!!!
In addition to making sure she fully went to the bathroom before bed, I also got a few ideas from this blog post.
I put on the fan in my room for some background noise and had some Vivaldi playing in my room at a low volume. I am not sure if these helped or not, but I was sure thankful to get a good night's sleep!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this continue!!!! :)
Walking
Let the desensitization / counter conditioning begin! Man, this sure takes a lot of patience and time, but I hope that in the long run it will be so worth it for us.
I start with the collar first - I show it to her, make the jingly noise, give her treats and praise.
Then I slip it over her head - treat and praise.
Then I let her sit with the collar on...treat and praise.
It is a big deal when she even TAKES treats, because when she is really stressed she refuses to take the treats, so THIS is progress.
Next comes the leash.
This part is really where she gets stressed. So I do the same thing - show it to her - praise and treat.
Jingle the leash so it makes noise - praise and treat.
Put the leash on her bed - praise and treat.
As long as she takes treats, I feel like I am making progress and I continue forward. As soon as I see her getting so stressed that she doesn't take treats, I back off a bit.
Next is clipping the leash on....as soon as it clicks on, praise and a treat.
Then more praise and a treat for her just sitting on her bed with the collar and leash on.
I did have to lift her off her bed to get her ready to go for her walk, but once I got her standing I gave more praise and a treat and then sat a few steps away from her holding the leash with a treat. This part took forever, but I eventually got her to take a step forward for a treat. Then another...and another until we were near the front door.
Normally I go out the back for walks, but I am trying something different for this.
As soon as we got to the door, I threw a treat outside. This is where she got stubborn. After a few minutes of trying, I got behind her and gently nudged her with my knee. She walked towards the treat and was outside! Woo! I closed the door and she stood on the front porch. I allowed her to observe sights and sounds there for awhile, then gave her a little tug and a "Let's Go!" for her walk.
She came with me and had a nice 1.5 mile walk with me - loose leash the whole way!
I am nervous that once school starts next week that I will not have as much time to do this for every walk. I will do my best to do is as much as I can, though!
Also, since getting Grace, I have been feeding her before going for the morning walk.
For my school schedule, it works a little better for me to walk her first then feed her, so I am hoping that she starts to make a positive connection to her walk - If I go for a walk, I get breakfast!
We shall see....
My mom is going to love this one!
And...just to be fair!
Random
I am not sure if I mentioned this before, but the Presence app for iphone / ipad is free and GREAT for checking in on your pets while you are at work. I am VERY thankful that my mom peeks at it for me while I go to work and reports back to me:
She is sleeping.
She got up for water.
She picked her head up when she heard a noise.
But thankfully, most of the time it is:
She is sleeping.
I feel VERY VERY THANKFUL that I have not seen any signs of separation anxiety. From day 2 I made sure I left the house to get her used to me not always being there. I am so glad I did that!
Two things that were really important to me before adopting were that my dog be cat safe and I hoped for no separation anxiety.
Whenever I am feeling frustrated by Grace, I remember to bring my mind back to these two very important positives that she has been so good about. :)
I knew that she didn't poop on that last out before bed, so I was worried that would be a problem. (I will say that from now on I am NOT coming back inside from that last out until I know she's done both.)
I went up to bed....
*9 barks.
I was excited inside, thinking she made progress.
But then it started....
*10 barks
Earplugs in...I need to ignore this....
*5 barks
Please please stop
*5 barks
Pleeeeease????
Then I heard the dishwasher beeping that it was done. UGGH! I knew I had to go down and turn it off or it would beep every 10 min or so and that would annoy me, too. So of course she thought it was go out and play time. I didn't even LOOK at her when I went down even though she followed me. Back up to bed for me...
*10 barks
Here we go again...
*Thumping on ground like a toddler having a temper tantrum
PLEASE NO!!!!! Come on!! I want to go to SLEEP!
*Nudging my feet with nose (new behavior)
Oh no...as cute as this I don't want her to now think she can physically get me up
MORE barks
Shit, maybe she does have to poop.
No, no, no....MUST IGNORE!
Then she went downstairs by the door and barked. I am sure it was very loud for my back neighbors (our houses are close, remember.)
I contemplated still ignoring her. I even thought to myself, "Fuck it - if she has to poop let her poop on the floor and I'll just clean it in the morning. I don't want her to think she can bark her way into getting what she wants."
But the barking continued downstairs by the door...and I honestly could not take it anymore so I let her out.
By this time I was cranky as all hell and very frustrated. I am not going to lie.
She pooped when I let her out.
Then when I went upstairs she decided to bring up her loudest chew toy. When I was trying to fall asleep it sounded like a grizzly bear chomping on a piece of wood right next to my ear. I wanted to take it away, but I figured it was better than the barking.
She chewed and chewed until it tired her out enough to fall asleep.
Poor me woke up cranky and frustrated....not a good way to start the day :(
Barking
Last night was my first night of ignoring her nighttime barking episodes.
I was ready to go - I closed all of the windows (thankfully we have double pane windows) and got out my earplugs. I was ready for whatever I had to endure.
It started as soon as I laid down to go to sleep.
Now, I knew that she didn't pee on that last trip out to the yard. The neighbor's baby was crying, Grace was pacing and stressed outside, so I figured she would have to pee sometime during the night. On that first bark I let her out and sure enough she peed outside right away (and finally got her "I peed before bed" cookie that she didn't get before.)
Bark #5 ignore
Bark #6 ignore
Bark #7 ignore
Bark #8 "Hail Mary, full of grace...."
Bark #9 ignore
Bark #10 "Our Father who art in Heaven..."
Bark #11 ignore
SILENCE!!!!!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!
Seriously....I prayed. That's how much I did NOT want to listen to barking!
Grace went all the way up to eleven.
Then she went to sleep on her bed.
Here's hoping tonight she only goes to eleven as well...or even lowers it a bit :)
Walking
Good walk this morning! I was proud of her againfor not pulling. We had one anxious moment when a baby was being pushed towards us in one of those little push cars. Grace freaked for a moment, but then settled down as soon as the baby passed! Remember, this is an improvement because she used to pull all the way home. I am not sure if it is because she is getting used to the kids (I hope so!) or....if she is catching onto the "If you pull, you are not getting home any faster" strategy. I don't think I talked about it yet, but last week I started doing something different when she would start pulling. Instead of walking faster to keep up with her, or pulling her back like a horse, I would stop and slowlycount to 5 in my mind. No matter how many times I have to stop, I make sure I do it. My goal is to try to teach her that pulling will not get you home faster. It will get you home slower.So, I am not sure which thing is really the reason for her reduced pulling.
This afternoon we tried a 4:30pm walk - when it is a little busier out there. I could tell she was a bit more anxious - more people outside, people wanting to stop and talk, kids outside, etc. So we made this a shorter walk. She did start to pull on the way home, so I did my 5 second stopping. She improved as we got closer to home.
The night walk went smoothly. She only got anxious when we passed a man who wanted to talk, a house that was having people over for a party, and a couple who were out walking.She continued her progress of relaxing after the stressor was passed instead of pulling all the way home. When we passed the couple, they asked why Grace was so scared so I told them about her. They said, "I'm sorry" as if they felt bad for me. I told them not to be sorry, and that in a few months she will come up to them for pets and love.
Still have trouble inside the house - getting her to the door to go for a walk is an issue, then once the collar is on she is a statue in the house. Only progress here is that once we are outside she does not statue at the gate anymore - she follows me right out. I need to get on the desensitization/counter conditioning thing. I will admit, I just totally forgot about it today. Bad me! Pet First Aid / CPR
Today I took a wonderful Pet First Aid/ CPR class. If you live near me in California, I highly recommend taking a class with Denise Fleck at Sunny-dog Ink. It was a hands-on class where I learned a TON of invaluable information about dog and cat first aid, CPR, and care. I already know human CPR, but it was excellent to learn the differences for pets. You never know when you might need this - not only for YOUR pet, but perhaps for another person's loved one.
This was super cute this morning!
I like to have my head on the floor even though my bed is big enough.
Just a quick update...it was a busy day so I didn't have as much time to write.
I just got back from her night walk - still a real tough time getting her to the point of getting the leash on and being by the door, but once we got outside, she didn't statue by the gate, but followed me out! WOAH! Hopefully that continues!
And if that wasn't enough....she let a TEENAGER pet her!!!!
Seriously.
A TEENAGER!
Ok, ok...so maybe she didn't know he was a teen, but *I* did!!!!
He had 2 smaller dogs with him and they all stopped. She got a little anxious at first with the dogs, but as usual she calmed down after a few seconds and engaged in doggie sniffing introductions. While all that was going on, the teenage boy and I were talking. Then he showed Grace his hand and pet her behind the ears for a few scratches.
The boy was a very calm soul who let out a great vibe - I think Grace really picks up on that with people (as most animals do.)
I was so proud I almost teared up.
No joke.
Another success was with the two skateboarding kids we encountered. She showed some anxiety at first, but when the kids passed they said "hi" to me and I returned the "hi." Not sure if that showed some kind of "these kids are ok" vibe to Grace or not, but she calmed down pretty quickly after they passed. Normally this kind of thing would turn her into a wild pony pulling to get home...but not tonight! Baby steps!!! :)
Last night she did try her barking episode, but luckily it only lasted about 30 minutes. Since Craig is on his way to France, tonight starts the "keep barking all you want, but it is NOT playtime" thing. If I KNOW she does not have to go to the bathroom and she is barking, I am going to ignore it. I know it will be frustrating, but I have to do it. I've already closed all the windows. Hopefully the neighbors understand!
3am - Matchbox Twenty (or 1am...I just change the lyrics)
Nighttime
Last night was another one of "those nights."
From 12:45am - 2:00am I feltwhat it must be like to have a crying newborn in the house.Seriously, that's what I kept thinking..."I don't know how my friends with babies do it!"
I don't get it- I thought I tired her out with a 1.5 mile night walk, but I guess not.
I have no problem at all bringing Gracie out if she has to go to the bathroom. I need to go in the middle of the night, too...so I understand if maybe she will have to at times, too. BUT, she is starting to manipulate me into turning this into play time and I need to nip it in the bud.
The first time she barked I took her right out "Ok, ok...she has to go."
The second time I begrudgingly took her out again "Ok...ok...she peed, maybe now she has to poop."
The third time I wanted to ignore (and I should have) but I was worried about the neighbors since our houses are so close to each other and I was worried about Craig who was trying to sleep. Out we went, where she just sniffed around and played with her ball.
The fourth time, same thing...I should have ignored it but for others' sake I did not.
Out we went again, but this time I did not turn the outside light on. She sniffed the barbecue and walked around, then came back in.
After that, she went to bed upstairs. But remember, this whole barking and 4 trips outside fiasco lasted 1.25 hours. Not good at that hour.
Craig leaves tomorrow for France for a week for work. I still have a week off for summer break. So next week is going to be the "Ignore Grace's Nighttime Barks Unless She Really Needs to Go" show. I'll talk to my neighbors today about it so they are prepared.
Walking
Onto some good news....she walked super nicely with me last night!We went out at about 10pm and she had a loose leash MOST of the walk! Wooo! I think the key is going when it is super quiet in the neighborhood - early morning and later at night. That is when she has the most success. This morning she also had an awesome walk! We even encountered 2 kids - one was across the street from us with her dad walking the dogs. Gracie heard her and freaked out a little. The guy stopped to talk to me for a minute from across the street and Grace slowly calmed down. Normally, this is something that would cause her to pull the whole way home, but she calmed down and was able to go back to a loose leash quickly. I was so proud!
The other incident was when a little boy was talking loudly to his mom while going to their car. Grace heard it first, stopped, and looked visibly stressed, but after we passed she got back to her calm self and a loose leash just a few houses away from that. Way to go! Small steps!
So, her walks are improving...but the time leading up to the walk is not. This is what I really need to work on. She hates when I take the leash out. She hates when the leash is first put on (becomes a stone statue) and she hates walking out of the house and through the back gate to begin her walk.
But, once I get her out that back gate and down the side of our house she really seems to enjoy being out and walking.
I think it is much like my fear of needles, where the "build-up" is much worse than the actual event. I was so bad with needles that I would get as stressed as Gracie is with her leash. I would not want to go to the doctor, I'd sometimes postpone appointments that I knew would include drawing blood, I'd feel stressed the whole day of my appointment, and I'd actually cry as they were drawing the blood. Full on CRY. And shake. Just like Grace does with the leash sometimes.
But, when it was all over I would always say, "That wasn't so bad! WHY did I get so worked up?"
Slowly, I learned that getting all worked up for a needle was not necessary. It is not as bad as I thought!
I am hoping one day that clicks with Gracie and she realizes that she actually enjoys walks, and the leash is just a necessary part of those walks.
I probably should have been doing this all along, but I am going to start to do more Desensitization/Counter Conditioning with her leash inside the house and in the yard.
Like I've said before, this is a learning process for me too!
Kids
Even though she had progress on her walk this morning with kids, she did freak out in the house yesterday when she heard kids playing outside...
It broke my heart to see her this sad and scared.
I am trying hard to associate the kids' noises while they are playing outside to positive things - pets, treats, etc.
A friend of mine had a great idea of playing kids' tv shows softly in the background to try to desensitize her. I am definitely going to try that and then raise the volume as she gets more and more used to it. The adoption group also gave the idea of recording my students at recess when school starts and playing it back to Grace at a low volume while associating it with positive things. Hopefully these methods will work for her. I'd really like her to one day love kids.
Comfort
She is definitely feeling more comfortable around us and continuing to come up to us to pet her even more. Normally when I get home from being out anywhere she stays on her bed downstairs, but yesterday she actually got up and was standing in the living room looking at me.
She also has started coming into the kitchen more when I am doing things in there.
And.....last night she even laid on rug in the living room near me AND came up to me while I was on the couch for pets.
PROGRESS!
Getting off my bed isn't so bad! This rug is comfy, too!Plus I am closer to mom!
It is also a comfy place for a snooze!
Béla's Corner
I'll show that dog! I'll drink all of her water!
Here's to another day of learning and progress for the both of us.
Walks
Well, the harness didn't work out so well.
She was fine walking around the house and out in the yard with it - we worked on that all morning and afternoon (skipped morning walk for that reason) but when it was time to put the leash onto the harness, she turned into this:
I am a statue. I will not move. Nope, not even for that cheese.
I tried and tried and tried to get her to feel comfy - cheese, patience, teaching, more cheese, more patience....nothing. Then I was finally able to get her out the back gate, but once we got to the sidewalk, statue again. And she was SERIOUS this time. On a leash she is usually just fine once she gets to the sidewalk - she will start walking once I say "Let's go." Just not with this harness contraption. I saw how stressed she was (shaking) so I brought her back to the yard. I was quite torn on what to do next....bring her inside and give up, or get that leash/collar setup on to try that way. I was a nervous wreck thinking she might statue with the collar/leash on the sidewalk as well. Please Grace....please don't regress on this one....Momma wants to WALK! Pretty please!!!!
Phewww.....luckily she was able to walk with me using the collar/leash. We had the usual issues with getting out the gate, but once we were out she walked with me ok. Pulled when we heard kids, but that is normal for her right now.
At night (this time when it was dark - around 10pm) my husband decided that he did not want another night of the little pony jumping around the bedroom at 1am. He wanted sleep. So, he took Grace out for a jog. This was his first time taking Grace alone so I was a bit nervous at first, but things went great! She had her same pouting of, "No, I don't want to go!" by the gate, but once they got out and running, he told me she did an awesome job! Woo!
Needless to say, she slept the whole night. :)
We might be onto something here!
Comfort
Without a doubt, she is definitely feeling more comfortable with us. She has been coming up to me for pets more and more each day. Today there were two incidents in the hallway where I was petting Grace and jealous Béla came up with her stink-eye. We had two special moments where I was petting both at the same time. I wish I had a picture of that! It really made me smile. The SAME THING happened downstairs in the evening with Craig - he was sitting on the floor and had both girls within arms reach so he was petting both. Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! I did get a picture of that, but I don't like to post pics of people on a public blog without their permission...I will ask him later, though ;)
I remember when she would just stay in her bed and not get up for pets. It is so nice to see her trusting us more and wanting affection. This morning she even stood by my side in the kitchen while I was preparing her meal. Two weeks ago she wouldn't stand in the same room as me at mealtime.
I need to always remember these things to keep myself in check. She HAS come a long way already....with more successes to come!!!
All smiles today!
Make sure you post MY pretty face today, too!
The scene of Craig's "double petting" achivement
Special moment when she laid her head on my leg while I was by her bed.
She LOVES this gift from her Aunt Amber. Hours of stimulating licking and chewing!
